The Shooting

I just can't not comment on this.
I hate it. I've had such an unsettled, helpless feeling since it happened- like, "what are we gonna do now?" And then I think about those parents... and I just can't do it. My kids are about that age and I just can't go there. But, how can we not think about them?
I know I'll be thinking about them on my Christmas morning at my house with my kids crawling all over me, laughing with wrapping paper stuck to their jammas and toys everywhere. I'll be thinking about those parents as we tie our sugar-hyped kids into the car and make our way to grandma's (hoping they sleep on the way) to eat all her cookies and get spoiled with even more snuggles and gifts. I'll be thinking of them at the end of the day when my precious little gifts pass-out in their beds with sticky candy canes stuck in their hair and new toys piled up next the door.
I'll be thinking about them and praying about the whole situation, but I can't put myself in their shoes or even imagine... I can't go there. I can be really thankful all Christmas Day and everyday that I have been given the kids I've been given.
There's a lot I can't do. I'm not in the position politically and more importantly, I am not the ruler of the universe (I'm only half ruler of our 5 acre plot). There are a lot of reasons being pushed on us and tossed around to the natural, first question, "why?". We've got gun control, mental illness, video games, parenting, Hollywood, over-saturated media, lack of family values, removing prayer from public school,  and I'm sure I'm leaving some out. I have an opinion on each one of those reasons, but if I was a Sandy Hook parent I don't think I would care for the one, simplistic, "boiled down to" answer. There can't be just one simple reason for a tragedy that will cause so many complications in so many lives for the rest of their lives! I can't accept just one, simple answer. No, something like this deserves more thought and more "yes, but why?" questions asked. The murder of even just one helpless and innocent child deserves more than a one word, closed ended response (ie; SATAN! End of discussion... GUNS! End of discussion... MEDIA! End of discussion... ). There has to be more to the reason and more to our plan of action than that, because well, there's certainly going to be more to this shooting than just what went on that one day. I know those children are safe now, but the surviving children that saw...
I'm going to need to tack on some extra time to my prayers regarding what happened last Friday; especially in the thankfulness department because God is in control (Isaiah 59:1), but He doesn't promise tomorrow (James 4:13).

# 0022: Perpetual Optimism

The other day, we were pulling out of the driveway on our way to preschool. I had rushed everyone out the door and into the car, threw that old V-8 in reverse and backed out of the garage into a very bright and beautiful morning. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just rushed. I noticed the sun was bright, but I didn't notice how pretty it was shining in a bright blue sky. I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and nearly peeled out of the driveway as my preschooler from the backseat said, "This is going to be the best day ever! OH! What a beautiful day!"
Now sometimes this girl is a little over the top, but nonetheless she is genuine and I couldn't help but laugh a little as soon as she said it. Then, I looked around for a minute as I tore down our gravel road. She was right! It really was a beautiful morning. I noticed it more and more on the way into town. The sun was really pretty shining through the trees we passed and this one hay field in particular was just really gorgeous. I'm not a morning person, but I love the morning sun when I do get to see it.
I was extremely thankful that morning for that little preschool girl and her perpetual optimism. I would have missed out on a lot had I chosen to ignore her or what if she hadn't said it at all?
I quickly agreed with her and pointed out some of the beautiful sights that I was seeing. However, I don't know if she noticed them or not as this precious, happy little moment was cut off abruptly with an annoyed, "WHAT?! MAMA- I CAN"T HEAR YOU!" from the backseat. That V-8 is LOUD!

Later, I came across this:

"I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be "raised" and taught, and taken to activities. I am not, by accident in your life. Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life. Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love." -Bruce Scott

So, that's pretty true. I do love taking them to "activities", teaching them "raising" them. Those things are all blessings to me, but how often do I slow down enough to really see the gift they are to me just by being here and being themselves. I love that little girl's optimism and BONUS: I love her just being here with me and being herself. I think we can all imagine our lives with less laundry, but I can't imagine my life without these little moments.

# 0021: Being the Rescue Mom

A few weeks ago, I was picking our girl up from preschool. The preschool director was babysitting a little 10 month old girl in her car seat while her mother went to do something with her older boy. The 10 month old cried the whole time she sat there looking at the preschool director she really didn't know. The mother got back and apologized for the 10 month old crying the whole time. Of course, the preschool director didn't mind- she has kids and grand kids of her own. The mother told how this past weekend they were visiting grandparents and she thinks that her own mother's feeling were hurt because the 10 month old granddaughter wouldn't have anything to do with her grandma- she only wanted her mama. The mother explained that she stays home with the girl and that's probably the reason for the attachment issues. I quickly added that the attachment were a good thing and that "mama is always going  to be number one".

Later that afternoon (completely unrelated to what was discussed at preschool), I remembered how I used to keep a journal, sort of, of the kid's first few weeks. I have 13 entries for our first baby, 3 for the second and at weeks, the third baby didn't have a single entry, yet. So, I sat down and started one. Then I looked through the old ones. Here's an excerpt from an entry when our first baby was about six months old:

"Over the Fourth of July weekend, she got very tired and it was very hot in some places, but she just didn’t want to be held by very many people that weren’t Mommy. I think people were kind of annoyed by it, but I secretly liked it. It was the first time she reached and lunged for me. She also would turn away from other people and bury her little head in my shoulder."

Ha ha ha ha ha! I like the part where I say that I secretly liked it! I loved it! Who doesn't like being the one a baby lunges for and wants? And besides that, wouldn't be a little odd if a little baby didn't care anything about going to its mother? The time will come soon enough when they wont want to leave grandma's house. I love that I have and have had such good relationships with my babies and time to form an attachment with them at these young ages when it matters. Also, I love rescuing them out of a completely harmless relative's arms!

Always The Mom...

I have kind of a rant to go off on. A few weeks ago, I read an article on BabyCenter.com called, "Why are men just men, while women are moms?" about how men are always introduced first as men and what they do where as women, no matter what they do are introduced as a mother first and then are recognized for their accomplishment. People seem to have a problem with this double standard. This was my response:

"Why is this a problem that working women are Introduced as mothers or grandmothers first? I’m glad that people are still interested in the family side of someone.

The family should be first no matter who you are or what you do, so how could it be insulting or considered a set back of any kind when no matter the achievement, people want to know about a person’s family life?
I understand some people have a problem with the double standard; men being men first, not fathers. Isn’t that just the nature of the beast, so to speak? I mean, you don’t hear dads crying around about how little is spent on Father’s Day compared to Mother’s Day. Aren’t fathers just as important to the healthy development of a child as a mother is yet the fsther’s day cards being sent, the long distance calls beung made are fewer and much farther between.
News flash: males and females are wired different. It’s a proven scientific fact. Boys and girls, husbands and wives, moms and dads- different. There will always be a “gender gap”. Thank goodness for that! Women’s lives would be so boring without the men and men’s lives would be so boring without the women.
Let me reiterate the fact that no matter what you achieve or who you become to the rest if the world, you are first a mom in the eyes of that child (who will always only have one mom). Nothing will ever be more important to that child than what you did for him or her at home as the mom first. It’s a good thing! Be thankful!"

I honestly don't see the problem with being known as a mom first. It's the most important title you'll ever hold and the most irreplacable position. Anybody could walk out of their job tomorrow and they'd be replaced in less than a week. But you can never be replaced at home. That position will always be filled even if the worst happens. The value of a mother to her child far exceeds her worth anywhere else. I would take it as a huge compliment to be mentioned as the mom and then the whatever. 

P.S: Even if you are the Queen of England- you are still known as the "Queen MOTHER". Just sayin'.

# 0020: Little Wrestlers

I love watching my kids wrestle with their dad. Dads are so good at wrestling and rough housing in general. the whole house seems so loud when their wrestling and tickling and squealing and screaming and laughing. I love to watch them get so excited and into it. They love being tossed around and dragged back in by their feet. I love seeing them laugh so hard that my husband has to stop tickling for just a minute so they can catch their breaths. It's like the ultimate in excitement for them. They don't know what's going to happen next.
I'm very thankful that my kids have a dad who is around and able to wrestle rough house with them. Pregnant mamas and postpartum, breast feeding mamas holding newborns are the best for wrestling matches. ...Unless you're talking thumb wrestling... Which is great to help young kids developing fine motor skills!

Also, regular old livingroom floor wrestling is good for kids, too says this article about the book, "The Art of Roughhousing". (I read the article- not the book, yet.)

# 0019: When a Baby Feels Safe

We had a newborn a little more than a month ago. He is the most calm, quiet, relaxed baby that I've ever had! He has cried a few times. He acts so scared when he's crying, not mad. I love it when I finally get to him to pick him up and as soon as I touch him he's quiet again. I love it. He stops crying and gets this look of peace on his face instantly. Were my other two like that? ...mmmmmmm... not exactly... not this extent... This new guy can be laying in his crib at night and get restless with his arms kind of flying all over the place and all I have to do is put my hand on his little chest and he's still again. Awesome! The power of a mom! Ha!

Here is an interesting article on a mother's touch: "A mother's touch: Study shows maternal stimuli can improve cognitive function, stress resilience".

# 0018: Closet Readers

I don't know why closets have become so exciting to my kids lately, but closets are the "thing" around here. They love to hide out in them. They are camp sites, hide outs, houses and I guess, libraries, also. 

I love how they go in there with pillows and stacks of books. I wont see them for an hour or more- lol! I love that they can be so content just sitting there looking at books in a closet. And I love that they thought of that as a fun and new way to look at books... in a closet... 

More often than not, our closets are elevators that will take the kids to different part of the house as well as France and "Fun-Land".

Here's a book my mom told me about: "Toddler Play" by Gymboree. Apparently Gymboree has several titles like this. There is also "Baby Play" and "Baby & Toddler Play". They are described as books to "help your child learn through play, to stimulate imaginations, build vocabulary, to maximize your child's potential and more". I have not read a one of them, yet! But they look like they would probably be good and would make a good baby shower gift or a baby's first Christmas gift. Basically, it seems like the books are encouraging parents to use their imaginations to teach their children how to use theirs.

# 0017: Reminiscing with Experienced Parents

A few weeks ago, an older couple, who sit behind us at church, had some new recliners delivered to their house in two great big boxes. Once they emptied the boxes, they immediately started reminiscing about when their FIVE children were little and how much they loved watching and playing with them in big boxes like that; making houses, painting flowers, cutting doors, eating snacks in them... and so on. They couldn't imagine throwing them away without asking me first, if I thought our kids would like them.
"Of course!"- was my answer. We made a two bedroom box house and the kids colored all over it. They had a great time! The boxes were so big, we couldn't fit them through our doorway so we played in them outside.
Another great thing about boxes- you can throw them away when your done with them!
Who doesn't love a cardboard box house? I do!
I also love being able to relate to older parents like that- parents who truly loved and enjoyed their children's childhoods and now are able to reminisce fondly. I'm sure their kids can share with them the same fond memories. Listening to them reminisce puts things into perspective for me. It's another thing for me to strive for- creating memories with my kids right now that they will have still when they become adults. I hope they will be able to look back on their childhoods and have lots of good memories like that; memories that we made together.
I'm thankful for this older couple at church who helped me out with a fun day of creating box houses as well as reminding me what fun kids can have with such a simple thing. I loved hearing stories about their kids and how they played with them in their box houses.



Have you seen this? http://cainesarcade.com/ -about the 9 year old kid who made a cardboard arcade while he was stuck at work with his dad during the summer? Moral of the story: he didn't sit around and let himself be bored. Also, his dad wasn't constantly making sure he was entertained, stimulated or involved in something.

# 0016: Big Hugs

My great grandpa LB used to tell us kids to hug his neck. So, we'd get over there and wrap our arms around his neck as tight as we could. I love a good neck hug!
My little boy gives the best neck hugs! He really hangs on tight and clasps his hands together behind you. He also gives great leg hugs wrapping his arms all the way around your knees. Then he lays his head down to snuggle and says, "mmmmmmmmmmm."
He readily gives them out when asked, but of course the best ones are the ones he gives on his own volition! I wander what he's thinking. Does he just think this other person needs a hug or is he just suddenly compelled to hug? I don't know, but I love big hugs from little arms! 
We are very blessed that we can hug each other anytime of the day for any reason whenever. I love being here to be on the receiving end and the giving end of those big hugs from little arms. One day, they will become fewer and fewer so I don't want to miss even one.
Personally, I believe what they say about needing so many hugs a day for your health, even though I'm not a big hugger. So, I try to make it a New Year's resolution every year to hug more. True...
Also, here is an article about the importance of hugging (this touchy- feely stuff makes me feel like dang Care Bear): Have You Hugged Anyone Lately?

# 0015: Siblings Hugging

Our nearly two year old doesn't say the word "sorry" yet. However, sometimes he does things that he is sorry for. And sometimes he does things that we think he needs to be sorry for. That's when hugs come in.

He's a boy and sometimes he can be kind of destructive or just a little rough. It's hard not to laugh sometimes, but he might randomly just go over and stomp on his sister's fingers while she's coloring. I'm laughing as I type this. It's so out of nowhere- I don't know why he would do that! Anyway, I have to get onto him and make him apologize. He immediately apologizes with a hug around her neck and moves on. If she hurts him, it's the same thing; hugs and moves on. I know we've made them do this, but it's still cute to watch.
My favorite, though is when they hug with no prompting from anyone usually after they haven't see each other in a day or so. I love watching siblings get along- laughing, playing and hugging!