"YOU Are His Mama!"

In the first few days after my baby was born, I was seeking advice from just about everyone. I had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to do everything "right." I wanted to breastfeed, but most of the hospital staff warned against using a pacifier too soon. Another family member suggested I go ahead and use it. So here I was with conflicting advice, torn and overwhelmed, not knowing what to do. I felt like everyone else knew what to do and could care for my sweet little boy better than I could in those early days. After all, they had experience and I didn't.

Finally after asking my mom a series of questions about what to do for my baby she said "YOU are his mama. You know best." When she first said that I thought, 'no, no I don't...I'm lost and don't know what to do!' As time goes on though, I think about when she told me that and I'm so glad she did. She may not have realized it then, but she was giving me confidence as a mama to care for my baby. One of the things I've had to learn quick is to be confident in whatever decision you make. If you are just a tiny bit self conscious about some aspect of your mothering, it's like people can sense it and jump in to offer advice, advice you really would rather not hear. Am I alone on this? It seems like if you are confident in your decision, people can sense that too and don't seem to offer as much unsolicited advice.

Nobody knows your kids like you do, and nobody can love them like you can. I have no problem asking for advice. I ask more experienced moms about something almost everyday. The difference between the first few days of being a mama and now is that I've learned to listen to everyone's advice, but sort through it and do what works for our family. Every precious little boy and girl is unique and special in their own way. There are no cookie cutter kids. Next time someone starts to offer advice (or critiques) of your parenting style, listen to what they have to say, but filter through and pick out what works... and remember, YOU are the mama! You know best.

Three Ways to Enjoy Potting Training

Potty training... It is sooOo-oOOOoo dreaded by so many people. Some of us would like to just drop our kids off at a potty training clinic some afternoon and pick them up all ready to go in big kid underwear with no accidents. Or better still, a pill or shot- yes, that's the ticket!- a potty training immunization! Brilliant!
We've been potty training our boy over the summer and I have to say it has gone sooooooooo much better than what we anticipated! It has been a good time. Yes, you read that right. No sarcasm here. It has been a pleasant experience. 
I was so stressed out about it. 
DREAD-DING IT. 
Scared to death. 
Now, I feel like I'm ready for the next one! Not only that- I'm getting a sticker for the back glass of my car: "AIN'T SKEERED....... of potty training"!

Why did it go so well for us? Well, every kid is different and if every kid is different, certainly every parent is different. My boy is certainly different than my girl, but maybe I'm a different parent than I was just a few years ago.
I've gained more experience and maybe some more patience. It's amazing what more patience can do! If I could gift wrap patience, I'd give it away at every single baby shower! Anything worth while takes time and work. Time and work requires some sort of process and working through a process requires patience. A college diploma- it takes time and work to go through the four year process of getting one, but it's usually worth it (unless you chose one of these majors).

I have loved this potty training process because of these reasons:

1. The process: 
Remember that Muppet's song, "Movin' Right Along" from The Muppet Movie (1979)? The lyrics go "Getting there is half the fun, come share it with me"? I'm not saying I enjoy cleaning up pee. I don't. I'm saying that I enjoyed seeing him "get it". I enjoyed seeing him light up when he made it to the pot in time after having not made it to the pot in time. 
Everybody knows that when you're potty training a child it's really the adult that's being trained... at first anyway. It's the adult that is setting the timer, making the lemonade, grabbing up the child, racing him or her to the pot. The adult is quitting in the middle of a task, running thru the house, carrying, pushing, pulling, dragging a toddler to the bathroom. All this and the baby gets the prize! The process is WORK with set backs and few successes, but if you look at the big picture (of lemonade) you can see that each soaked pair of panties, every puddle on the floor is one small step closer to success. They've got to have those accidents, those failures to know what it feels like, what they don't what to do, to know how great it is go in the pot with no mess at all! 
Life is a process and we couldn't get anywhere without the process! I loved watching my son go thru this process.

2. The Praise and Prize: 
Finally the successes! Every book you read will tell you to go heavy on the praise, really make them feel good. Sometimes when you see the pee in the pot and those proud little faces you could just burst! Scooping up those bare bottoms, dancing around, HALLELUJAH! What a moment- the praise just flows like... lemonade... and you're ready to buy a pony in celebration. Do the books really even need to stress this? I'll say it again, potty draining is WORK and draining for all involved- emotionally and physically. It wears you out so heaping on the praise is a great release for the parent and does the kiddo more good than we know. 
Potty training: what a great opportunity to show your kid how proud you are of them; what a great opportunity to them to show how proud they are of themselves! What a great self esteem builder; they CAN DO IT all by themselves!
But, what's that? Maybe you've got a boy and just because he makes it to the pot in time doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a mess to clean up (I guess this is why people say boys are harder to train than girls). Maybe this is where the praise gets tricky, you have to be excited that they made it even though you still have to clean up a mess anyway. There's extra training that goes into boys because of their parts. Sorry. You still gotta be excited that they could recognize the need to go. The tidiness will have to come later...
The celebration at our house doesn't end with a good job and a hug. We've got prizes. Lots and lots of prizes. Not just an M'n'M. We like to give them stuff that they're really into rigt then. I would never ever in a million years potty train around Christmas (waaaaay too much going on) and I wait till well after their birthdays, so I don't mind giving them some extra nice gifts. It's really better than Christmas, no baking, no wrapping.

3. The Success: 
You never want to speak to soon. I don't anyway... but that day you realize, and your kiddo does, too, that they have arrived. They get it. They wear big kid underpants everyday now and it's awesome. They are trained. It's like they realize you trust them. Every time they go now they are so proud of themselves. 
We are on the other side now! It was an exhausting week or two, but I love seeing my kids feel proud of themselves. I know we're just talking about potty training, but still what a great gift you can give someone when you teach them to do something on their own!

Kermit: Movin' right along in search of good times and good news,
With good friends you can't lose,
Fozzie: This could become a habit!
Kermit: Opportunity knocks once let's reach out and grab it 
Fozzie: yeah!
Kermit: Together we'll nab it,
Fozzie: We'll hitchhike, bus or yellow cab it!
Kermit: Cab it?

Both: We're movin' right along
Fozzie: Footloose and fancy-free
Kermit: Getting there is half the fun, come share it with me.
Both: Movin' right along 
Kermit: We'll learn to share the load
Fozzie: We don't need a map to keep this show on the road

Kermit: Hey, that song is sounding better, Fozzie.

Kermit: Movin' right along
We've found a life on the highway
Fozzie: And your way is my way
Kermit: So trust my navigation

Fozzie: California here we come, the pie-in-the-sky-land
Kermit: Palm trees and warm sand
Fozzie: Though sadly we just left Rhode Island
Kermit: We did what?!
Fozzie: Just forget it.

Both: We're movin' right along 
Kermit: Hey LA, where've you gone?
Fozzie: Send someone to fetch us, we're in Sasketchewan!

Both: We're movin' right along 
Kermit: You take it, you know best
Fozzie: Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the West?

Fozzie: Movin' right along
We're truly birds of a feather
We're in this together 
Kermit: and we know where we're going
Fozzie: Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down
Kermit: We're storming the big town
Fozzie: Yeah, storm is right-- should it be snowing?
Kermit: Uh, no, I don't think so...

Both: We're movin' right along
Fozzie:Do I see signs of men?
Kermit: Yeah, "Welcome" on the same post that says, "Come Back Again."
Both: We're movin' right along, 
Fozzie: nice town!
Kermit: Footloose and fancy-free
Fozzie: You're ready for the big time
Kermit: Is it ready for me?

Both: Movin' right along
Movin' right along
Movin' right along
Movin' right along

# 0024: Little Teachers

One day, the big kids and I were outside and I sent them to get the mail. Our mailbox is across the street from our house. By street, I mean gravel road that is maybe 10 feet wide. It's a ways from our house for a little kid, but I can still it from our front porch, so I know they feel big heading out there by themselves. It gives them a little more confidence doing something all by themselves and some practice looking both ways (even though there is NEVER anything coming either direction).

Okay so, one day, the big kids and I were outside and I sent them to get the mail. On the way, the girl stopped and looked down. Then, she had her brother stop and look down. She pointed to an ant hill. She bent down to tell him all about it. He squatted down for a closer look. There were lots of "OOOOOHS!!!!" from my little boy and my little teacher continued with lots of pointing here and there.

I don't remember when exactly, but I do know that she and I had had a discussion about ant hills once (basically just that those are ant hills, ants build them, they live there). I love that she saw an opportunity to teach, stopped what they were doing and felt confident enough to share this information all by herself with her brother. I also love that her brother was interested in what she had to say and payed attention to his sister. I know it's just a little thing, but it's proof that they pay attention to what we take time to teach them (most of the time). It proves that those little, sometimes forgettable moments matter. I really don't think that info about the ant hill is changing any one's life, but it's the time that was spent on that info that will add up.

And now for the ant to parenthood comparison: Ants carry what seems like a little to us but, actually weighs more than them. Parents do what might look like a little and simple job to some, but actually adds up to be so much more. BOOM!

I love being able to take to take about little things like ant hills and I love seeing that time spent come back around proving that it matters.

"You just don't luck into things as much as you'd like to think you do. You build step by step, whether it's friendships or opportunities." ~Barbara Bush