The Shooting

I just can't not comment on this.
I hate it. I've had such an unsettled, helpless feeling since it happened- like, "what are we gonna do now?" And then I think about those parents... and I just can't do it. My kids are about that age and I just can't go there. But, how can we not think about them?
I know I'll be thinking about them on my Christmas morning at my house with my kids crawling all over me, laughing with wrapping paper stuck to their jammas and toys everywhere. I'll be thinking about those parents as we tie our sugar-hyped kids into the car and make our way to grandma's (hoping they sleep on the way) to eat all her cookies and get spoiled with even more snuggles and gifts. I'll be thinking of them at the end of the day when my precious little gifts pass-out in their beds with sticky candy canes stuck in their hair and new toys piled up next the door.
I'll be thinking about them and praying about the whole situation, but I can't put myself in their shoes or even imagine... I can't go there. I can be really thankful all Christmas Day and everyday that I have been given the kids I've been given.
There's a lot I can't do. I'm not in the position politically and more importantly, I am not the ruler of the universe (I'm only half ruler of our 5 acre plot). There are a lot of reasons being pushed on us and tossed around to the natural, first question, "why?". We've got gun control, mental illness, video games, parenting, Hollywood, over-saturated media, lack of family values, removing prayer from public school,  and I'm sure I'm leaving some out. I have an opinion on each one of those reasons, but if I was a Sandy Hook parent I don't think I would care for the one, simplistic, "boiled down to" answer. There can't be just one simple reason for a tragedy that will cause so many complications in so many lives for the rest of their lives! I can't accept just one, simple answer. No, something like this deserves more thought and more "yes, but why?" questions asked. The murder of even just one helpless and innocent child deserves more than a one word, closed ended response (ie; SATAN! End of discussion... GUNS! End of discussion... MEDIA! End of discussion... ). There has to be more to the reason and more to our plan of action than that, because well, there's certainly going to be more to this shooting than just what went on that one day. I know those children are safe now, but the surviving children that saw...
I'm going to need to tack on some extra time to my prayers regarding what happened last Friday; especially in the thankfulness department because God is in control (Isaiah 59:1), but He doesn't promise tomorrow (James 4:13).

# 0022: Perpetual Optimism

The other day, we were pulling out of the driveway on our way to preschool. I had rushed everyone out the door and into the car, threw that old V-8 in reverse and backed out of the garage into a very bright and beautiful morning. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just rushed. I noticed the sun was bright, but I didn't notice how pretty it was shining in a bright blue sky. I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and nearly peeled out of the driveway as my preschooler from the backseat said, "This is going to be the best day ever! OH! What a beautiful day!"
Now sometimes this girl is a little over the top, but nonetheless she is genuine and I couldn't help but laugh a little as soon as she said it. Then, I looked around for a minute as I tore down our gravel road. She was right! It really was a beautiful morning. I noticed it more and more on the way into town. The sun was really pretty shining through the trees we passed and this one hay field in particular was just really gorgeous. I'm not a morning person, but I love the morning sun when I do get to see it.
I was extremely thankful that morning for that little preschool girl and her perpetual optimism. I would have missed out on a lot had I chosen to ignore her or what if she hadn't said it at all?
I quickly agreed with her and pointed out some of the beautiful sights that I was seeing. However, I don't know if she noticed them or not as this precious, happy little moment was cut off abruptly with an annoyed, "WHAT?! MAMA- I CAN"T HEAR YOU!" from the backseat. That V-8 is LOUD!

Later, I came across this:

"I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be "raised" and taught, and taken to activities. I am not, by accident in your life. Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life. Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love." -Bruce Scott

So, that's pretty true. I do love taking them to "activities", teaching them "raising" them. Those things are all blessings to me, but how often do I slow down enough to really see the gift they are to me just by being here and being themselves. I love that little girl's optimism and BONUS: I love her just being here with me and being herself. I think we can all imagine our lives with less laundry, but I can't imagine my life without these little moments.

# 0021: Being the Rescue Mom

A few weeks ago, I was picking our girl up from preschool. The preschool director was babysitting a little 10 month old girl in her car seat while her mother went to do something with her older boy. The 10 month old cried the whole time she sat there looking at the preschool director she really didn't know. The mother got back and apologized for the 10 month old crying the whole time. Of course, the preschool director didn't mind- she has kids and grand kids of her own. The mother told how this past weekend they were visiting grandparents and she thinks that her own mother's feeling were hurt because the 10 month old granddaughter wouldn't have anything to do with her grandma- she only wanted her mama. The mother explained that she stays home with the girl and that's probably the reason for the attachment issues. I quickly added that the attachment were a good thing and that "mama is always going  to be number one".

Later that afternoon (completely unrelated to what was discussed at preschool), I remembered how I used to keep a journal, sort of, of the kid's first few weeks. I have 13 entries for our first baby, 3 for the second and at weeks, the third baby didn't have a single entry, yet. So, I sat down and started one. Then I looked through the old ones. Here's an excerpt from an entry when our first baby was about six months old:

"Over the Fourth of July weekend, she got very tired and it was very hot in some places, but she just didn’t want to be held by very many people that weren’t Mommy. I think people were kind of annoyed by it, but I secretly liked it. It was the first time she reached and lunged for me. She also would turn away from other people and bury her little head in my shoulder."

Ha ha ha ha ha! I like the part where I say that I secretly liked it! I loved it! Who doesn't like being the one a baby lunges for and wants? And besides that, wouldn't be a little odd if a little baby didn't care anything about going to its mother? The time will come soon enough when they wont want to leave grandma's house. I love that I have and have had such good relationships with my babies and time to form an attachment with them at these young ages when it matters. Also, I love rescuing them out of a completely harmless relative's arms!

Always The Mom...

I have kind of a rant to go off on. A few weeks ago, I read an article on BabyCenter.com called, "Why are men just men, while women are moms?" about how men are always introduced first as men and what they do where as women, no matter what they do are introduced as a mother first and then are recognized for their accomplishment. People seem to have a problem with this double standard. This was my response:

"Why is this a problem that working women are Introduced as mothers or grandmothers first? I’m glad that people are still interested in the family side of someone.

The family should be first no matter who you are or what you do, so how could it be insulting or considered a set back of any kind when no matter the achievement, people want to know about a person’s family life?
I understand some people have a problem with the double standard; men being men first, not fathers. Isn’t that just the nature of the beast, so to speak? I mean, you don’t hear dads crying around about how little is spent on Father’s Day compared to Mother’s Day. Aren’t fathers just as important to the healthy development of a child as a mother is yet the fsther’s day cards being sent, the long distance calls beung made are fewer and much farther between.
News flash: males and females are wired different. It’s a proven scientific fact. Boys and girls, husbands and wives, moms and dads- different. There will always be a “gender gap”. Thank goodness for that! Women’s lives would be so boring without the men and men’s lives would be so boring without the women.
Let me reiterate the fact that no matter what you achieve or who you become to the rest if the world, you are first a mom in the eyes of that child (who will always only have one mom). Nothing will ever be more important to that child than what you did for him or her at home as the mom first. It’s a good thing! Be thankful!"

I honestly don't see the problem with being known as a mom first. It's the most important title you'll ever hold and the most irreplacable position. Anybody could walk out of their job tomorrow and they'd be replaced in less than a week. But you can never be replaced at home. That position will always be filled even if the worst happens. The value of a mother to her child far exceeds her worth anywhere else. I would take it as a huge compliment to be mentioned as the mom and then the whatever. 

P.S: Even if you are the Queen of England- you are still known as the "Queen MOTHER". Just sayin'.